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The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships, by Kathy Labriola
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A counselor and nurse specializing in polyamorous singles, couples and groupings, Kathy Labriola has spent many years helping people to understand and manage their jealousy. This book is a compendium of the techniques and exercises she has developed, as well as tips and insights from the polyamory community's top educators, therapists and authors. These accessible, simple techniques are designed to be easily implemented in the event of an intense jealousy crisis. They are even more useful if undertaken over a period of time before a jealousy crisis happens, to build a skill set that will be at hand to help managing jealousy when and if it does occur.
- Sales Rank: #47876 in Books
- Published on: 2013-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 11.00" h x 1.00" w x 9.00" l, 1.40 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 200 pages
Review
“This book knocked me out! An essential resource on how to resolve jealousy in polyamorous relationships, and open-minded others. An excellent tool for finding answers that can lead to peaceful hearts and an abundance of love and connection.” – Anita Wagner Illig, PracticalPolyamory.com
“For anyone struggling with relationship jealousy or insecurity, and especially for people with multiple loves... will guide you through the labyrinth of jealousy and bring you safely out to your widest possible selection of lifestyle choices." - Dossie Easton, MFT, co-author, The Ethical Slut
About the Author
Kathy Labriola has extensive experience assisting people with the challenges of non-traditional relationships, sexual orientation crises, political activism, and class struggle. A counselor and nurse, she has written articles for LovingMore, Polymatchmaker.com, and many other publications and websites.
Most helpful customer reviews
31 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
I felt confident that Labriola was experienced and knowledgeable as a counselor
By Doc
The Jealousy Workbook is a textbook style book, with few typos and a slick interior design with easy-to-read type. It has many pages that could be photocopied by counselors for use by clients during sessions. All exercises can be done by couples or only one member of a couple if necessary. This book is mostly designed for those who have already decided on a poly relationship model and just need a little (or a lot of) help implementing the process. This book was organized amazingly well, but I do believe that terms should have been defined as soon as they appeared, especially when initially Labriola uses words like "jealousy" and "envy" interchangeably.
I felt confident that Labriola was experienced and knowledgeable as a counselor and with her genuinely poly personal life. Many of the exercises could be incredibly useful, especially Chapter 11's section on modifying core beliefs. I do wish that Labriola and her publisher had made a "token monogamist" review the book before printing. The point of view of the author led to a few alienating and ridiculous statements like, "Most people find that the gains in the 'pros' column outweigh the losses in the 'cons' side, convincing them that having an open relationship will make them happier than continuing in a monogamous relationship (p15)." I could let this slide since the book seems to be aimed towards those already in open relationships, but the above statement was in a chapter on grieving the loss of a monogamous relationship, so it seems rather insensitive.
Also, chapter 1 is all about determining whether a poly relationship is right for you, which was evaluated through a number of quizzes. Unfortunately, those quizzes were rigged with questions that always result in a positive answer at least SOMETIMES by somebody with a healthy relationship. Example: "Did you want more romance and excitement in your relationship?" "Did you sometimes feel that there was some important component missing from the relationship?" "Do you enjoy the security and stability of a monogamous relationship but also long for more romance and passion?" "Have you generally succeeded in keeping agreements you have made with your partner?" "Have you generally made good choices in picking emotionally healthy partners?" Generally, this chapter comes off as manipulative and disingenuous, so I think it could do with deletion in future editions to narrow the scope to people who have already decided on the lifestyle.
One more criticism I have may be a personal ideological difference in opinion. She seems to be a great proponent of Freud, not just in Chapter 5's giant Freud love-in. I found the constant insistence to reach back into childhood for experiences to blame to be troubling. People reading this book do not need help alienating themselves from the only support system and relationship they might feel is stable during this time: their family.
Overall, however, this book was filled with many other terrific exercises and thoughts. The final chapter included many other points of view from prominent authors, which allowed a differentiated experience for those who may have struggled with previous exercises. I will heartily recommend this book to clients of mine who are struggling with jealousy in their open relationships if they are already secure in their decision to become poly. I would also encourage counselors and other advisors to read this book if they are interested in promoting a poly-friendly practice.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
The nuts and bolts of working through jealousy
By Jasmine
As a therapist that works with many polyamorous clients, I greatly appreciate Kathy Labriola's work. She has extensive knowledge of polyamory and devotes great attention to her own clients within the therapeutic field. The workbook does exactly what it says. In clear, easy to follow steps it takes you through understanding your feelings on monogamy and polyamory, working to understand the roots of jealousy, and what triggers it now. Labriola breaks down in understandable terms and exercises on how to handle the emotions when jealousy is present and feels overwhelming. She provides a wide array of examples, suggestions, and very help advice for managing common issues within polyamory. Finally, she provides a look into how to communicate within open relationships and even provides insight into the reality of what happens when someone makes a mistake within these relationship formations. Labriola's approach to the real and important elements of an open relationship are wonderfully helpful to anyone that is considering polyamory for the first time or even those that continue to struggle with multiple emotions within an open relationship. I highly recommend this book and plan to recommend it to my clients as well.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
A Hands-on book to Navigating Jealousy & Open Relationships!
By Mandy Traut
I am a licensed mental health counselor who has worked with couple's subscribing to open relationships. When I was approached to review Kathy Labriola's new workbook on navigating jealousy in open relationships, I was quite honored. Ms. Labriola has listened to the real life needs and questions of the couples she works with in her private practice and has established hands-on exercises and assessments to assist these couples in exploring ways to address whether they should/shouldn't pursue opening up their relationships. Likewise, she has normalized and described the experience of jealousy and provided ways to effectively manage and work through these feelings (which is actually a set of several emotions and can change depending on the person and the situation). One way or the other, Ms. Labriola seems to offer that it is important for each partner in a couple (or any of the multiple types of relationship configurations) to become aware of his/her general beliefs [about relationships], triggers, emotional responses, and communication styles. When one is aware, one can develop more effective skills in working through relationship dynamics and various emotions. Her jealousy workbook is an easy-to-use toolkit for, either those just exploring the concept of opening up, or those who have been in an open relationship for several years. Additionally, her book offers some refreshing ideas and exercises that might even be a benefit to monogamous couples. I recommend her book to anyone in a non-monogamous or monogamous relationship style. Additionally, I encourage anyone who wants to work through jealousy to get this book - whether related to romantic relationships or other types of contexts.
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